How long should wedding vows be?

1–2 minutes per person when spoken aloud. That's roughly 100–175 words. Shorter is fine; longer can lose the audience. Practice out loud and time yourself. If you're over 2 minutes, cut.

Should we write vows together or separately?

Either works. Together: you can match tone and length, avoid overlap. Separately: more surprise, more personal. Many couples agree on structure (we'll each do past, promise, closing) but write content separately. Share length so one isn't 30 seconds and the other 3 minutes.

What if I'm not good at writing?

You don't need to be. Simple and honest beats fancy and vague. Use prompts: 'I fell in love with you when...' 'I promise to...' 'I'm grateful for...' Write like you talk. Read it to a friend—if it sounds like you, it's right.

Can we use traditional vows with personal additions?

Yes. Many couples use traditional vows (for legal or family reasons) and add a personal section. Or do traditional for the legal part and personal for a separate moment. Check with your officiant on ceremony structure.

Should we memorize our vows?

Not required. Most people read from a card or paper. Memorizing adds pressure and the risk of forgetting. Hold the paper, look up at your partner as much as you can. Practice so you're not robot-reading—but having the words in hand is fine.

How to Write Wedding Vows — Step-by-Step Guide

Why write your own vows?

Traditional vows are beautiful and meaningful for many couples. But writing your own lets you say exactly what you feel—in your words, your stories, your promises. It’s personal. Your guests will remember it. Your partner will treasure it. And it doesn’t have to be elaborate. Simple, specific, and sincere beats grand and generic every time.

Basic structure: past, present, promise

A simple framework that works:

1. Past (how we got here): A moment, a memory, or a feeling. “I knew I wanted to marry you when…” or “From our first date, when you…” Keep it brief—2–3 sentences. You’re setting the stage, not telling your life story.

2. Present (why I’m standing here): What you love about them, what you’re grateful for. “You make me laugh,” “You challenge me to be better,” “You’re my favorite person to do nothing with.” Again, 2–3 sentences. Specific beats abstract.

3. Promise (what I vow): The heart of the vows. What will you do? “I promise to…” Be concrete. “I promise to make you coffee on Sunday mornings.” “I promise to support your dreams even when they scare me.” “I promise to choose you every day.” Aim for 3–5 promises. Mix serious and light if that’s your style.

4. Closing (optional): “I love you.” “Today and always.” “You’re my person.” Short. Punchy. Done.

Length and tone

Length: 1–2 minutes when spoken. Roughly 100–175 words. Practice out loud. If you’re over 2 minutes, cut. Guests and your partner will appreciate concision.

Tone: Match your relationship. Funny is fine if that’s you—but keep it appropriate for grandparents and kids. Serious is fine. Emotional is fine. The goal is authenticity, not performance.

Language: Write like you talk. If you don’t say “thee” and “thou” in daily life, don’t use them in vows. Your voice matters more than poetic flourish.

Prompts to get started

Past:

I knew I wanted to marry you when…
From the first time we…
You had me at…
Our story started when…

Present:

I love you because…
You make me feel…
I’m grateful for…
You’re the one who…

Promise:

I promise to…
I will always…
I vow to…
When things get hard, I will…

Closing:

I love you, today and always.
You’re my person.
I choose you, every day.
Forever.

Use our Vows Worksheet to draft. Brainstorm, then refine.

Example (simple and personal)

I knew I wanted to marry you when we stayed up until 3 AM talking about nothing and everything. You’re my best friend—the one I want to tell first when something good happens, and the one I want beside me when things are hard. I promise to make you laugh, to listen when you need to vent, to support your dreams, and to choose you every single day. I love you. Let’s do this.

Roughly 90 words. 1 minute when spoken. Specific (3 AM), personal (best friend), and clear promises.

Example (with humor)

I fell in love with you when you made me watch that terrible movie and pretended it was good. You’re stubborn, ridiculous, and my favorite person. I promise to laugh at your jokes even when they’re bad, to always share the last slice of pizza, and to be your teammate in whatever life throws at us. I love you. Let’s get married.

Light tone, still sincere. Works if that’s your dynamic.

Delivery tips

Practice out loud: Read your vows 5–10 times. Alone, then to a friend. You’ll find awkward phrases. You’ll notice if it’s too long. Fix before the day.

Write them large: Print or write in a font size you can read without squinting. 14pt or larger. One side of a card. Don’t rely on your phone—it can glitch, lock, or run out of battery.

Hold the paper: Don’t memorize unless you’re confident. Nerves are real. Having the words in hand reduces anxiety. Look up at your partner when you can; glance down when you need to read.

Speak slowly: Nerves make you rush. Breathe. Pause. Your guests and your partner want to absorb what you’re saying. Slow feels more intentional.

Have a backup: Give a copy to your officiant. If you drop the paper or lose your place, they can help. They’ve seen it before.

What to avoid

Too long: Over 2 minutes loses people. Cut.
Inside jokes no one gets: A few are fine. A string of them leaves guests confused.
Awkward or inappropriate: Remember who’s there. Keep it family-friendly.
Vague promises: “I promise to love you” is sweet but generic. “I promise to always tell you when you have something in your teeth” is specific and memorable.
Last-minute writing: Give yourself time. Draft, sit with it, revise. Rushed vows feel rushed.

Coordinating with your partner

Match length: Agree on a rough word count or time. One person at 30 seconds and the other at 3 minutes feels uneven.

Match tone: If one is funny and one is deeply serious, it can work—but discuss. You want to complement each other, not clash.

Decide on surprise or shared: Some couples keep vows secret until the ceremony. Others share drafts to ensure compatibility. Both work. Surprise = more emotion but risk of mismatch. Shared = more coordination but balanced.

Structure: Agree on whether you’ll both use past/present/promise or similar. Structure helps the ceremony flow.

Recommended tools

Vows Worksheet — Prompts for past, present, promise. Draft and revise. One page per person.

Ceremony Script — Organize the full ceremony. Where do vows go? What’s the order? Share with your officiant.

For more: Wedding Planning for Beginners.

How to Write Your Own Wedding Vows